Me. Me. Me.

Others are self-absorbed.

Others are wasting potential.

Others are vain.

Others are this & that.

But no, not

Me. Me. Me.

So consumed by not being the big man on campus.

So consumed by not having everything that I deserve.

So consumed by jealousy, bitterness, by grief.

So utterly consuming

Me. Me. Me.

So consumed it dilutes

My happiness.

My thoughts.

My quality.

My work.

My life.

My…

Everything.

It has diluted

Me. Me. Me.

Why am I here?

What am I doing?

Where am I going?

Where did I come from?

Why did that happen to me?

Why

Me?  Me? Me?

She should have invited me.

He owes me an apology.

They should have hired me.

Everyone is forgetting about

Me. Me. Me.

Everything is going wrong.

Everything is messed up.

Everything is falling a part around

Me.  Me. Me.

And then I stopped.

And I realized…

Laying in bed feeling defeated is quite possible one of the absolutely worst feelings in the universe.

// So its been a while…//

Life has been full of ups and downs lately. I find myself going through many changes in very different timing than I ever imagined. I am full of mixed emotions. I am constantly processing through new and old memories.

Have you ever listened to a song that makes you feel something so strong, its like you are sitting in the exact place that you first heard it? You can see and smell and feel the very things you did that day long ago? I fight with myself in those moments.  Is it that I am enjoying that memory or that I have such heavy sentiment in it that I long to be taken back.

There are times, memories, moments, emotions, relationships, and feelings that I can know within me: I need not return to those times, but rather just enjoy the fact that I have ever experienced them at all. Yet, I find myself so comforted within the brief immersion back into them that I long to stay in that memory. 

Forgive me if I seem vague.

I am simply caught in between the layers of time at this moment.